Who Said You Have To?
I've always had a love/hate relationship with traditions. They're something to honor and something to challenge. They connect us to our past, but sometimes they keep us tied to it.
The same goes for those familiar phrases we hear at work, at home, and in just about every corner of our lives.
"That's just how we do things."
"We already tried that."
"That's the way it's always been."
Every one of those statements deserves a follow-up question:
Who said we have to keep doing it that way?
Think about the invisible rules you've accumulated, absorbed, or simply accepted over the years. Rules about careers, relationships, family, success, aging, productivity, and what a woman should be doing by now. Some of those rules may have served you well. Others may have made sense at one point but no longer fit the life you're living or the woman you've become. And some? Well, you may not even know why you're following them.
Do I actually believe this—or have I just never questioned it?
When "That's Just How It Is" Isn't Good Enough
When I was 49, changes turned my life upside down in almost every way. My body felt like it had betrayed me as perimenopause took over. My only child was graduating from high school. And my career wasn't where I wanted it to be. Everything familiar shifted, and I struggled to find my footing. And repeatedly, I was told I was "just at that age" and encouraged to accept what was happening.
Why? Because that's what the women before me had done.
Wait. What?
Who decided that reaching a certain age meant I should accept feeling miserable, put my ambitions aside, or settle for a life that no longer felt right?
It reminded me of that old rule about not wearing white after Labor Day. Says who? And what exactly are they going to do about it?
For years, I felt like I was fighting against the changes happening around me and within me. I wanted things to feel familiar again. I wanted to know what came next. But eventually, I began to recognize something important.
Maybe the problem wasn't that my life was changing. Maybe I was trying to navigate those changes using rules that no longer applied.
Once I started questioning those rules, I began to see how many of them I'd been carrying.
Just Because It Was Doesn't Mean It Has To Be
Take marriage. There was a time when marriage was as much an economic necessity for women as it was a personal choice. Women's financial independence was restricted, and the expectation was that a husband would provide while his wife managed the home and family.
Thankfully, women today have far more freedom to decide what partnership, family, and financial independence look like. Yet how many women still carry expectations about what a good wife, mother, or partner is supposed to do?
Or consider careers. When my generation headed off to college, the conventional wisdom was pretty straightforward: choose a field, earn your degree, find a job, build your career, and eventually retire. We watched parents and grandparents spend decades with the same employer or in the same industry.
That path still works beautifully for some people. But it's no longer the only path. We can change careers. Go back to school. Start businesses. Reinvent our professional identities at 40, 50, 60, or beyond.
And yet, how many women stay in work they've outgrown because they believe they're too old to start over, they've invested too much to change direction, or they should be satisfied with what they've accomplished?
Here's the thing…
Just because something was expected of you doesn't mean you’re required to do it.
You Get to Question the Rules
I'm not suggesting you throw out every tradition, abandon your responsibilities, or challenge everything just to be difficult. But let’s face it: occasionally, being a little difficult is exactly what's needed.
I'm suggesting you get curious.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, "I have to," "I should," or "That's just the way it is," stop and ask yourself:
Who said I have to?
Is this something I genuinely believe, or something I've been conditioned to believe?
Does this still serve the person I am and the life I want to create?
You might discover that some of those rules are worth keeping. They reflect your values, support your relationships, and give your life meaning. Others might need a little updating. And a few might deserve to be tossed out altogether.
The point isn't to change everything. It's to recognize where you have a choice.
Because sometimes the life that feels too small, too restrictive, or simply no longer quite right isn't asking you to blow it all up. It's asking you to question the assumptions you've been living by. And that starts with one beautifully disruptive question:
Who said you have to?
Wondering which rules you've outgrown?
Sometimes you need another perspective to see the assumptions keeping you from moving forward. That's what we explore in a Complimentary Clarity Conversation. Thirty minutes to question what's no longer working and consider what could come next. Schedule here.
Today is your day, my friend, so make it a good one!
