Resilience Isn't About How Much You Can Take
I have a love/hate relationship with resilience. I love it because it reminds me that who I am comes from what has worked in my life and what hasn't. It shines a light on the battles I've won and how far I've come. I hate it because it reminds me of how often I let fear and self-doubt impact my progress.
I want to note right away that my resilience came from everyday life events and my own stubbornness. I have not endured major loss, severe trauma, or tragedy.
Resilience is “the ability to adjust to or recover readily from illness, adversity, major life changes, etc.”
I think resilience is an outcome. It's a product of your mental endurance and tenacity in a stressful situation. Those situations can be found anywhere, and some are unavoidable. How we move through them dictates what we gain from them.
I recognize something new in myself after a failure teaches me a lesson, a hard-fought experience strengthens a skill, or a loss of focus or faith leads to a new routine.
Recently, I hit a low point. Things were not working out as planned. Prospective clients were backing out. I wasn't standing up for myself when meetings were put on my calendar that weren't a good use of my time. And the reality of my financial situation started to set in. I was so emotionally depleted that I barely functioned for days, personally or professionally.
What hit me the hardest was that my goals were crystal clear. I was taking intentional action every day prior. And I had people to hold me accountable. I was using all the tools I had added to my toolbox over the years.
But was I? There I was, curled up in a ball on the couch, being unproductive and unmotivated, wondering again, "What's wrong with me, and why does this keep happening?"
I know now that I was doing exactly what I needed to do. I was passively processing all the options in front of me. In the past, these depressive states were followed by an unforeseen opportunity. This tie felt different in the moment, but the outcome was much the same. It left me with the following statements to ponder:
Negative thoughts should get a seat at the table instead of being brushed aside so quickly. They had information that was missing from the equation.
The thought "I need to get this under control" should come with an obnoxious siren. I need to improve my response time in loosening the reins.
And most importantly, being passive does not mean a lack of forward progress! I will now celebrate the times when I can do nothing but sit and just be.
In closing, resilience doesn't prove how much we can take. It's evidence that we've learned when to keep going, when to adjust, and when to stop fighting what we can't control.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above. Reach out on my Contact page.
Today is your day, my friend, so may it a good one!
